Malintent

by Malintent

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05:17

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released 16 July 2012

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Track Name: Falling, Failing
I'm either crazy or insane. You can take your pick. I'm given good advice, but none of it ever seems to stick. Apathy and procrastination continue to make me sick. One second, I'm the nice guy, but the next, I'm just a prick. I remember two years ago. Never felt lost. Never felt alone. Sometimes sad, but never so cold. Afraid of growing up. Afraid of growing old.

Time flew by and I lost who I was. Time flew by and I lost touch with friends and family and being happy. I've developed a sick, unhealthy obsession with all my fucking worst intentions. Time flew by and I lost touch with me.

I've never been good at catching up. Well, I'm hoping I learn fast. If the world could slow down or just let up, I'm thinking I might have a chance. I remember one year ago. Never felt lost. Never felt alone. Sometimes sad, but never so cold. Afraid of growing up. Afraid of growing old. I'm trying. I'm losing. I'm falling. I'm failing.

Time flew by and I lost who I was. Time flew by and I lost touch with friends and family and being happy. I've developed a sick unhealthy obsession with all my fucking worst intentions. Time flew by and I lost touch with me. I'd rather kill myself than hear you say "no". I think my biggest fear is ending up alone. I feel like some robotic drone, programmed to not think on my own. I'm digging deep in debt with student loans to discover that I'm lonely and I miss my home, or at least what it felt like when I was young. I'd enjoy life more if it'd throw me a bone. (I stood by and watched this die. I stood by and I lost touch with me.)

Like another dead leaf that fell from the trees, my head was in the clouds. I was so content with reality. Before I knew it, I fell to the ground, slowly but surely, neither safe nor sound. Lying and waiting for the wind to come or something else to pick me up. The stress rises as my patience falls. My will to persist is growing small, as I bash my head against the wall. I'll die before I drop this ball.

(And I lost touch) with friends and family and being happy. I've developed a sick unhealthy obsession with all my fucking worst intentions. Time flew by and I lost touch with me. I'd rather kill myself than hear you say "no". I think my biggest fear is ending up alone. I feel like some robotic drone, programmed to not think on my own. I'm digging deep in debt with student loans to discover that I'm lonely and I miss my home, or at least what it felt like when I was young. I'd enjoy life more if it'd throw me a bone.

I remember two days ago. Feeling so lost. Feeling so alone. Always unhappy and always so cold. Growing up so fast. I'm growing old.
Track Name: Everything You Wanted
How can you act like what you did just wasn't wrong? I should've known; you fed me lies all along. You were a fake all the way from day one. Your genuine sincerity was always slim to none (It was slim to none). But despite how hard I try, I just can't get you off my mind.

I hope you're happy. I hope he's everything you wanted, just so he can turn his back and leave you there, broken-hearted. Then, you can look back and finally see that your biggest mistake was leaving me.

You used to be everything I dreamed. I though you were my one and only. But, not I see you for who you are, and I wasted time just being lonely. So, when he breaks your heart in two and you've got nowhere to turn (nowhere to turn), I'll be the one just sitting there, laughing while you burn. But despite how hard I try, I just can't get you off my mind.

I hope you're happy. I hope he's everything you wanted, just so he can turn his back and leave you there, broken-hearted. Then, you can look back and finally see that your biggest mistake was leaving me.

So here's a "thank you" from the bottom of my heart for showing me who you really are. I beat myself up, but it's time for rejoicing. You saved me years of lies, years that would have led to nothing. I'm done wasting my life waiting. (You used to be my one and only. I miss who you were, but I hate who you are.)
Track Name: Sorry
All I really want is for this stupid feud to end. Is it really all that crazy that i want to make amends? We don't have to be enemies; I would rather be your friend. If you can just forgive me, then I'll stop playing pretend. Your voice still painfully resides deep inside my ears. "You should have seen this coming" is sometimes all I can hear. Well, how could I have seen this coming with no clues to see? It's obvious that this is easy for you, but so much harder for me.

Bucks County and deja vu. I wanted you back but you said you're through. My body was older, but my mind was young, and the break apart forced it to catch up.

I admit I've made mistakes; I didn't think things through. But, believe me when I say that I never meant to hurt you. I've come to terms that maybe we were never meant to be. And so I'll bite the bullet. I'll swallow my pride. I'll step up to you and apologize. I'm sorry for my actions. I'm sorry for my mood. I'm sorry for all the things I said. I'm sorry and I miss you.

Bucks County and deja vu. I wanted you back, but you said you're through. My body was older, but my mind was young, and the break apart forced it to catch up. I'm haunted and kept wide awake with the tribulations of my past mistakes. I'm terrified for my own sake. My patience and will are about to break. (I can't sleep with these thoughts inside my head. They play through over and over again. And I can't stop thinking about my past and wishing I can be sixteen again.

I can say I hate you. I can say I'm through. I can say you mean nothing to me and I'm over you. I can say all these things until the day I die. But I'm telling you right now that it would all be one big lie.
I'm sorry for my actions and I'm sorry for my mood. I'm sorry for all the things I said. I'm sorry and I miss you.